The Boardroom Beat #36 - My Client Is An Ogre!

An executive client recently compared himself to an ogre—not the green and mean part, but the layers! He referenced the endearingly vulnerable moment in Shrek when the protagonist shares, "Ogres are like onions." As a self-proclaimed "Shrekkie" (not to be confused with a Trekkie), I couldn’t help but delight in this cultural reference.

Fandom aside, the analogy is brilliant. Peeling back layers is exactly what happens in coaching. Leaders adept at self reflection have the courage to explore the underlying factors that shape their leadership style and effectiveness.
This manifests in a myriad of ways — I have chosen three examples that may resonate and spur for you an exercise of self-reflection that gateways to personal growth.

#1. Leaders are “XYZ”

How “XYZ” is defined is shaped by the culture of the country, industry, and organization, where the norm is often perceived as the rule. Clients frequently arrive with a preconceived notion of the prescriptive qualities a leader “should” possess. The deeper exploration—the onion layer—is questioning and perhaps challenging the foundation of this “should.”

This process can be liberating. When a client’s idea of a “good leader” doesn’t align with their natural tendencies, they may find themselves:

a) operating under the limiting assumption that they are destined to fall short, or
b) experiencing significant stress as they attempt to “show up” as someone they are not.
 

Example A: “Leaders are Extraverts.”

I have worked with extraordinary leaders who view their introversion as a leadership handicap, believing that “real” leaders fill the room with big personalities. While it’s true that senior leaders may need to develop specific skill sets for 1-to-many settings, it’s equally true that introversion can be the foundation of a powerful and effective leadership style.

Example B: “Leaders are Empathetic."

In the post-COVID era, many leaders still felt pressured by lingering norms to extend an abundance of grace and consideration to their teams. There is a residual expectation of unconditional workforce empathy. They struggle with feeling restricted in their ability to make performance-based decisions or set high expectations.

Example C: “Leaders are Collaborative” or “Leaders are Decisive.”

Where leaders “should” fall on the spectrum between collaboration and decisiveness is often influenced by external cues or internal belief systems. Exploring this topic enables leaders to develop the discernment to gauge what a particular situation demands. Collaboration is positive, but sometimes the “onion layer” that is discovered is that the driver is wanting to be liked.

#2. Leaders Always Know the Answer

This may be the most pervasive leadership fallacy, one that often induces significant anxiety in leaders. may be the number one leadership fallacy that limits induces anxiety in leaders.

The assumption that leaders must always have the answers is a common misconception. Effective leadership lies not in having every answer but in building a team of trusted domain experts and asking the right questions. Strong leaders excel at synthesizing information and formulating a plan when a time-sensitive solution is required. Equally important is their confidence to defer decisions when critical data is incomplete.
 
The deeper “onion layer” to uncover may involve recognizing the anxiety created by the pressure to be the expert on everything at all times. This often coincides with a realization of the values and priorities compromised by the relentless pursuit of perfection.

#3. I am an Imposter

The first “onion layer” is acknowledging and admitting to oneself the experience of impostor feelings. Many leaders are surprised to learn that 7 out of 10 wrestle with similar thoughts, a phenomenon particularly common among high performers taking on new challenges. Often, their successful track records are intertwined with a healthy dose of perfectionism. 

Normalizing the impostor experience serves as the baseline for deeper work. Understanding the identity of the impostor voice helps clients choose how to respond—either embracing the situational adrenaline it provides or refuting the disparaging or overly cautious narrative it creates. Clients who peel back this layer come to understand the origin of the voice, become adept at anticipating its triggers, and learn to dismiss it with counter-evidence. Over time, the voice loses its power.

My Clients are Ogres

During the initial stages of engagement, clients identify the challenges or opportunities they want to explore. I ask them to consider: What change would absolutely delight you?

At first, coaching objectives often center on “business as usual.” Common goals include enhancing executive presence, developing leadership within their teams, increasing influence and visibility, career mobility, and achieving work-life balance. While coaching provides personalized, one-on-one accountability in these areas, its true value lies in clients’ willingness to peel back the layers and engage in deeper self-discovery.

 Our conversations are enriched by probing questions, such as:
•    What do you really want?
•    Why is that important?
•    What else could work?
•    What keeps you from doing that?
•    What patterns do you see?
•    What did you learn from that situation?

Ultimately coaching leads clients to be more comfortable in their skin, but also more comfortable being uncomfortable. The answers are within them - when my wonderful ogres peel back their layers.